I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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