There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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