Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
