There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
