My vagina just recognized that song.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
