We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize