so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
