its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
