Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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