Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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