why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
