I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
