You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
