Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
