I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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