420 ftw
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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