I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
