apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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