Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
