She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
