I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
