I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
