one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
