I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
