It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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