As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
