"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
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