4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
