he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
