Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize