i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
