I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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