Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
