It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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