I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
