It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
