What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
