The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
