One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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