apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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