what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
