You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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