I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I FOUND THE LEGS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
