Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
