So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
God, I missed his penis.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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