On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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