you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
