i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
