Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
