i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
