I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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