it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
