Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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