So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
