am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He better not be in your backpack
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
