ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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