the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
