the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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