Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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