idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
