my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
false alarm. still invincible.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
