I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
