He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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