Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
