All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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