i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize