I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
