This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
